I sat somberly next to my mother on a vinyl couch inside a family waiting room at St. Mary's Hospital on that March day in 1987 that forever changed my life, yet I didn't understand in that moment the impact this day would have on my mother for the rest of her life. The doctor had just left the room after bearing the tragic news that my father hadn't made it through surgery. The walls of that room would forever embrace the sound of our cries, as we struggled with the realization that he was gone. I remember turning to my mother, seeking answers she didn't have, seeing the pain on her face, yet her arms reached out to me, my sister, and my brother, knowing she needed to comfort us, to hold us, to give us the strength to pull ourselves off that couch and as hard as it would be, the strength to move forward in our lives without him in it...and incredibly, we did move forward, always together, bound by her strength.
It wasn't until the year of 2011 that her strength would be tested again with severity, as the year began with the sudden loss of my brother from a fatal heart attack, then ending with her diagnosis of breast cancer and undergoing a lumpectomy, radiation, and chemotherapy. It was in these times, when most of us would have withdrawn, given up, lost our faith, questioned it even...it was in these times that my mother grew stronger with the force of a woman determined to be a survivor, an example of resilience we all needed so badly, possibly not comprehending how much we needed it, but providing it without hesitation. We pulled together from her strength, pulled through the hard times and challenges, we became fighters and ultimately winners as her cancer went into remission. The days ahead were brighter and we all looked forward to many more years of her being cancer-free.
When she went in for her routine mammogram a few weeks ago, little did my mother imagine that it would lead to a double needle biopsy and a call from the radiologist saying a small amount of cancer cells had been detected in the same breast that she had the lumpectomy. The next steps would be to discuss the best procedure with the doctors, all agreeing that a double mastectomy would be the most effective course to eliminate the possibility of cancer in her future. The words were not easy to hear and even harder to understand, as she had almost reached 3 years since the initial surgery; however, in her honest, true fashion, she reacted the way she had with the agonies of past defeats and heartache...with positive thoughts, prayers, and a plan of action that would ultimately be in God's hands.
Amazing, to say the least, that while we all wonder how we would carry her burdens, she not only carries them, she reminds her burdens daily that they are only temporary and will not bring her spirits down, nor permanently break her. Without doubt, the things that will be long-term are her faith in God, her support system of close family and friends, and her passion to survive.
So as we enter the eve of her surgery, I have so much pride in my heart for a mother that I can't imagine not having in my life. I can't imagine who I would be today without her guidance, encouragement, involvement, and strength. I want to lift her up, as she has lifted me up so many times throughout my own life and struggles. I want her strength, I yearn for it, and I want to share it with others, as she has done for me.
I love you so much, Mom! Tomorrow will bring you surrounded by love, lifted up by prayers, and driven by the strength you carry so well. We'll be there with you, all the way!
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